She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
