Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
