i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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