Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
