my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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