Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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