I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
