You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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