dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
