She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
