I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
