great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
