we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
