Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
