watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
