All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
