Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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