I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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