at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
