I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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