What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
