Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
