they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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