No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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