i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
