you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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