Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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