i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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