his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
