omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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