You just made me feel so damn special
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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