put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
