I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
