It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
