i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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