Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
