I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
