Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
