i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
