He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
