i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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