the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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