if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
