Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
