WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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