i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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