i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
