I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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