i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
