at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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