you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
