He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
