I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
